


The First Goodbye

by spilladrop4orpheus



Category: Hadestown - Mitchell
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, F/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:15:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23378227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spilladrop4orpheus/pseuds/spilladrop4orpheus
Summary: Persephone thought she would be fine with spending half of the year in the world above, but the night before she has to leave Hades for the first time...doubt (and a little bit of guilt) comes in.
Relationships: Hades/Persephone (Hadestown)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 84





	The First Goodbye

Hades sat on the edge of the bed and watched Persephone pack the few things she wanted to take with her. The dread he felt in his chest grew with each second that brought them closer to being apart.

“Run away with me.” His voice was quiet and broken, so unlike the strong, confident voice that she was used to hearing.

“What?”

“Let’s just go…far away from everyone. Somewhere they’ll never find us. Just you and me.”

His voice was heavy with desperation.

“Hades, we can’t. What about the Underworld? You’re the king! You can’t just leave.”

“I don’t care.” He shook his head. “About any of it. Not if it means being without you.”

“I’ll be back.”

“And then you’ll leave again. You’ll always leave.”

She walked over and sat next to him on the bed, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I have to help my mama undo what’s been done on account of my leaving. We both have responsibilities.” Persephone never thought she’d be the one to have to give a lecture on responsibility, particularly not to her workaholic husband.

Hades had to begrudgingly accept that she was right, though. There was nothing to be done. They had to resign themselves to their fate of being separated for half of every year.

Her hand moved to his cheek and he leaned into her touch.

“It’s only six months. You got along just fine long before me.”

“That was before I knew.”

“Knew what?”

He turned his head to kiss her wrist. “What happiness was.”

Her breath hitched as his words hit her, so sweet and yet so utterly devastating. She didn’t think she could bear anymore loving words from him. Not when they all served as a painful reminder that, unbeknownst to him, she had a hand in the decision that was separating them.

“Please don’t g—”

His plea died as her lips crashed into his. She kissed every kind word that would break her out of him, before pulling apart and leaning her forehead against his.

“Please don’t ask me to stay.” She kissed the tip of his nose. “You know I can’t.”

To his credit, he didn’t ask her and she was grateful. If she heard him beg, she just might give in and that would cause them more problems.

Though his words went unspoken, his eyes, those dark eyes were pleading with her. _Please don’t go. Stay with me forever._ It was almost worse than hearing him say the words aloud. If she continued to stare into those eyes she’d get lost. She was dangerously close to saying fuck the world up above and everyone in it by agreeing to stay with him forever. She needed a distraction. “I’m sure we can find a more productive way to spend our last night together.”

He laughed a little and Persephone tried not to think about how hollow it sounded as she fell back onto their bed, pulling him with her.

Persephone couldn’t sleep. Her mind raced with thoughts of the next six months that she’d be spending in the world above. It’s what she wanted. Or what she thought she had wanted anyway...the best of both worlds. Time with her husband in the Underworld and time in the sunshine and fields with her mama. She made the choice to only eat six pomegranate seeds knowingly, and that sealed her fate. Hers, and his, whose heart was thumping like a drum under her palm as she laid against his chest.

“It’s only six months. We can handle that. I'll be back before you know it,” she had told him over and over to console him. She had meant it all those times, but now on the eve of her leaving, she wasn’t so sure. Six months was a long time. And it’s not as though he could just pop up for a visit. The Underworld didn’t run itself and her mama would likely run him off their land faster than he could say hello.

No, it’d likely be the full six months before she saw him again. Would he wait for her? Or would he grow tired of being without his wife for half of the year? Maybe he’d find someone else. Someone who could devote herself to him completely. It’s what he deserved. A full-time wife is what he had thought he was getting with her…until she chose those six seeds instead.

Tears began to form as the weight of her decision finally hit her. She was leaving her husband and would continue to do so for the rest of time. The vows they had exchanged in her mother’s garden echoed in her mind, taunting her. They had promised themselves to one another forever. And what does she do? The first chance she gets she breaks that vow all because she missed her mama. What would he think if he knew the truth?

She became acutely aware of her rapidly increasing heart rate, a stark contrast to the beat of her husband’s. His heart, steady and true, that he said beat only for her. She was going to break it countless times, and her own in the process all because of one spur of the moment decision. She did this to them. To him.

The chair in the corner of the room that she had been staring at went out of focus as her vision tunneled. The tightness in her chest was suffocating as she started gasping for air.

“Persephone?”

She abruptly pushed away from him as she sat up, flinging the blankets off of them. Everything felt too constricting, including her own sweat-soaked skin. “What have I done?”

“What’s wrong?”

The panic in his voice mimicked what she was feeling.

“I shouldn’t have listened. Damn Fates. Ruined everything.” She thought she was going to be sick.

“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” He placed his hands firmly on her shoulders and was surprised at how clammy her skin felt.

“No. No, it’s not okay. This is my fault! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

He was so concerned with her erratic behavior that he wasn’t quite putting together what she was saying. “It’s not your fault. You can’t control what your parents decided anymore than I could. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

With every kind word from him, the pressure in her chest grew. He didn’t know. He couldn’t know. The guilt was going to consume her.

He pulled her back to his chest and wrapped his arms around her, noticing how she trembled uncontrollably. “It’s only six months. You’ll be back before you know it.”

Though not his intention, his attempt to comfort her was a slap in the face. Her own words meant to console thrown back at her. She realized just how empty those words were, and how callously she had used them to try and placate him before.

More words of consolation and encouragement spilled from him as he tried to calm her down. “Six months is...is nothing. We can get through this. If our love is strong enough, we can get through anything.”

_If._ She couldn’t help but notice his choice of words. He had his doubts too, it would seem. Doubts about them...about her.

“We’ll be fine,” he continued, but his voice faltered as he tried to reassure her.

It was obvious that he didn’t fully believe the words that he was saying, but she appreciated the sentiment anyway.

“It’s gonna be fine. The offer to run away still stands.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she said, laughing between sobs.

“Why don’t I go get you some water?”

“No!” She gripped his arms tight, keeping them around her. “No. Please don’t leave me.”

The irony of her request almost made her laugh. The nerve she had to beg him not to leave after what she had done, what she will continue to do. She was leaving him in the morning and still, she made that demand of him, the very demand she would refuse him.

“I won’t leave.” He kissed the top of her head and swept the wet curls stuck to her forehead away from her face. “I’m right here. You should try and get some sleep now.”

She shook her head. “I don’t want to waste any moment I have with you. Just hold me until it’s time?”

“I’ll hold you for as long as you need me to.”

Hold me forever, she wanted to say but knew that couldn’t happen.

They didn’t speak for a long time, words being unnecessary as he held her tight. Hades traced small circles and symbols older than her up and down her arms. The familiar melody that he hummed, one he made up just for her, was as comforting as the arms wrapped around her. She wanted to capture this moment and hold on to it, a memory to help her get through the next six months.

Persephone took one of his hands in hers and studied it. He had big, strong hands, shaped by working the depths of the earth. She traced his palm with her finger. Some of the mortals believed in reading the palm of the hand to determine one’s future. Foolishly, she wondered if their love was spelled out somewhere in the creases. If she could just find a sign, that would help put her mind at ease.

“What are you doing?”

“Did you know that some people believe a person’s fate is written in the lines of their hands?”

“That’s ridiculous. I don’t know where people get their ideas sometimes.”

Persephone shrugged.

“But...” Hades paused for a moment. “No, it’s nothing.”

Her interest had been piqued in her desperate attempts to find some sort of cosmic reassurance.

“No, tell me.”

“Well, I do have this strange set of lines that I’ve been told sort of looks like a flower.”

She turned as much as she could to look at him. “You do?”

“I don’t see it, but other people have.”

She turned back around and examined the lines again.

“It’s small but it’s right near the base of my thumb.”

She pulled his hand a little closer, realizing her mistake too late as Hades very gently brought his palm right into her face.

She exhaled sharply as he gave her head a playful shake, his large hand covering her whole face.

“Did the lines tell you that was coming?”

She wanted to be mad, but couldn’t help but smile as she heard and felt him chuckling behind her. As his fingers slid down her face, she caught one between her teeth.

“Asshole,” she muttered around his trapped finger.

Persephone gave a teasing swirl of her tongue before releasing his finger, her attempt at palm reading no longer important. His childish prank was all the sign she needed. She couldn’t imagine sharing a moment like this with anyone else, and she knew she was fortunate enough to be the only to see this playful side of Hades. They belonged to each other and she didn’t need any divination tricks to tell her that.

She held her hand to his, palm to palm, before intertwining their fingers. He gave her hand a squeeze and she returned the gesture. They were going to be okay. She had to believe that…she just hoped he believed it too.


End file.
